I have been surrounded by people my entire life. This is mainly due to my lovely twin, who has literally been by my side since birth. Leaving her, and coming to college, has been a surreal experience for me, and for her, because all the sudden we are not together all the time; all the sudden, hundreds of miles separate our bond. So how am I supposed to cope with this loss? How is anyone supposed to feel when half of their being is across the country?
The first few weeks of life at DU, I surrounded myself with people. There was always someone in my room, I was always doing something, distracting myself, I was never alone. Yet during this time, I felt more alone than I ever had. We all have that feeling, of being surrounded by people, but yet we still feel helplessly alone. So how do we cure this pain? How do I feel at peace when I am lonely?
Recently, I realized that in order to feel surrounded and loved and whole, I need to be alone. I need to take a moment for myself, process my thoughts, process my any feelings I am experiencing, pain, grief, confusion, frustration, happiness, jealousy, interest, and find peace in who I am and who I intend to be. Life is not about appearing happy. It’s about genuine happiness and beauty. I concluded that I don’t have to make others believe I’m happy with how many people I hang out with and who I surround myself with, but instead I need to step away from the chaos and find peace and comfort in who I love being. Being alone makes me feel whole, what makes you the best person you can be? When we take the time to step back, figure our shit out, and love ourselves, we then don’t have to rely on other people for love or happiness. I no longer rely on my twin sister for keeping me company. I do not rely on anyone for that. Instead, I find peace in solitude, in being. And this, in every way, strengthens my bonds with others.
And to this, I challenge you: take a step back from the chaos, find your inner peace, your inner happiness, and rely on solely yourself.
Written by Nikky Johnson, WLLC 2015-2016