I’ve always known and heard that college would be hard, and I believed people when they told me this, but I thought I could handle it. I always heard about unfairly curved grades, or 100 page essays so I wasn’t prepared for the type of work that I’m doing now. My brother texts me every night and every day I tell him “Can’t talk much, doing homework”. His response was “Are you ever done?” and the answer was “No”. It caught me off guard having an infinite amount of homework to do that started from the first day up until now, I never had to study much before but now that’s all I do. My schedule is wake up, eat, study, sleep, only to be repeated the next day. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I’m not alone in this, I see my friends doing the same thing everyday like me, the only thing is only I can process how I’m feeling with this amount of work, I don’t know how they are dealing with it.
In class someone said that we are a cup, filled to the brim with water, and with just one more drop, we overflow. That’s how I felt this past week more so than ever. My last “drop” was once again calculus. This class is driving me insane, It’s all I think about when I’m at a school organization meeting, or even my other classes. I took my midterm and unless there’s a miracle, I failed it completely. I know because I couldn’t figure out many of the problems and I honestly just didn’t know what to do after a bit. I love school, and I usually don’t hate math, so I would like to do well in this course so that I can apply it to Computer Science. The feeling of failing this test stayed on my mind all day, and I was so upset that I basically let it ruin the rest of my day and almost the retreat for me.
I’m saying this because how I reacted to the test was not well at all. It deeply affected my emotional wellbeing. After the test, I realized that I was worrying about something that I could no longer control, it was over. But because I let it obsess in my mind I knew that I was not acting healthy whatsoever. This small experience made me realize that I could act unwell in many ways if I focus on the past. My issue was simply a math test but already I know that if I was still obsessing over it today, it would still be affecting my emotional, and physical wellness (physical because I got a headache I was so angry at myself) and probably my intellectual wellness because I know that if I only thought about Calculus and how many more Calculus classes I have to take, I would probably hate school and learning in general in the next four years.
My rant is to say that, people and myself should only worry about things that we are directly in control of, worrying about them after the fact, or other things we have no control over is not a healthy practice at all, and to move forward to learn from our mistakes, or to get a better grade on the next test, we need to learn how to let it go.
Written by Summer Graham, WLLC 2015-2016