In The In Between

Today I found myself sitting in my criminology course curious as to why I was even there. I quickly recalled that attendance is a part of my grade; that is the sole reason I was in this lecture hall. I get out of bed every morning for my 8am because I know if I don’t, I won’t get the grade. I go through each and every day with that exact mentality. When did life become a matter of just making it to the next day?image1

Toward the beginning of this first quarter of college, I realized that I had lost my sense of purpose within life. I became just another student striving for a degree that will allow me to get a job, and then, eventually retire and die. This is what life is all about. I am cognizant of my pure pessimism, but honestly, right now I’m feeling a little low. This summer I went through some traumatic events and I became so numb I didn’t even know the difference between up and down; it was all one dull feeling.

Sometimes I get to this point in life where I feel that there is nowhere else to go, but just sit tight and experience the struggle. College is a struggle. There is a song that reminds me how important it is to recognize these struggles as a beautiful part of life that allows us to grow mentally and intellectually. It is called In Between…

Up on the mountain I see down below

It’s easy to lose yourself I know

Can’t hear what you’re shouting, I’m deaf to your show

It’s easy to lose your self-control

Everybody gets high, everybody gets low

Life can be such overdose

Up on the mountain I see down below

It’s easy to lose yourself I know in the in between

The point of this post is not to dwell on my sadness, but to reflect on my desire to achieve happiness. One day, I know it will make me happy to have a family: I want to be a wife and a mother. I want to marry someone who brings out the best in me, but also challenges me. I want to make beautiful babies and nurture them for as long as I live. Although I have little control of when I find my husband and reproduce, I am lucky to have had the resources and opportunities that control where my career goes. One day, I know it will make me happy to be a medical professional, whether that is a Physician, Genetic Counselor, or Biomedical Engineer. The purpose of my life is to make a difference. I will find some way to do this.

Written by Grace Buck, WLLC 2015-2016

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