Written by Nikky Johnson, WLLC 2015-2016
The past couple weeks, I have attempted to become more knowledgeable about what my mind was thinking and doing and desiring and why. Why was my body tired, and what could I do to change that? Who is my inner she? Why is she important? What does she want me to do? I participated in a practice that involved a four-part check-in of my body, emotions, mind, and inner wisdom (my she) everyday. I contemplated, and wrote how my body was feeling, and what it needs; how my emotions were feeling, and what they need; how my mind was feeling, and what it needs; and lastly how my inner-wisdom was feeling and what it needs. This practice improved my awareness of “self.” It aided me in becoming more knowledgeable of why I was thinking and doing things. But what I found the most significant of the entire practice, was the fact that I had no sense of “inner wisdom.” I could not find my she.
And the question I asked myself is “why?” Why don’t I know what my inner-wisdom is and what it tells me? This sent me on an internal journey of how I define myself; of where I find my identity. How did I find myself where I am today? After some searching, I found that who I am is defined in my heredity, (my genetics, who my ancestors have allowed me to be), in my upbringing, (in what my mother taught me, in my hometown, and in my spirituality, in what I find right and wrong), and lastly in grace. My engineering and my childhood have had a large impact in my inner-wisdom. They have taught my she how I think and feel and live and love. Yet, how I define grace molds my she more than anything else. “Grace from loving: Love the Lord Your God with All your heart, mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.”
This inner-wisdom, this she, that I had so longed to find had been inside of me all along. It was the whisper that taught me what was right and loving and pure. It was the strength that guided me through life, and held me tight always. My inner-wisdom was not a she, it was a we. And in this realization, finding such enlightenment, I also find security in my inner-wisdom. I find love that never fails. And from the quotes of “healing,” I leave you with this: “Only Jesus can give wholeness to a broken life.” This is true to me, yet is not true to others. But it does not have to be. Everyone’s she or he or we or whatever you want to call it is different. So I challenge you: find your inner-wisdom. Find what controls you moral compass and beliefs and actions… Make your life whole.