All of My Children

Written by Grace Buck, WLLC 2015-2016

 

After reading about emotional accounts of ectopic pregnancies and attending lectures in respect to baby loss, I took some time to think about how children have affected my life, as merely a child myself. I have always wanted to be a mother; I was incredibly nurturing towards ‘Name’, my precious baby doll as a little girl and often found myself stuffing watermelons and balloons under my shirt pretending to be pregnant. Going into middle school, I remember hearing about the baby project where you take care of a crying doll for a week without killing it to pass health. Its funding was cut before I made it to eighth grade, but it would have been what I looked forward to the most in all of grade school.

It wasn’t until I was about twelve years old that I started to take up care-taking. I was ‘mommy’s little helper’ for a few neighbors with newborns and remember going through a miscarriage and fertility challenges with multiple families I was close to. I remember hearing this from many grieving mothers: “when you lose a child, you are haunted with a lifetime of wonder”. Seeing how the devastation of not conceiving tore these couples apart broke my heart, but how they recovered and broke new ground to keep pursuing a pregnancy was remarkable. I knew one day that I would want to be the supporting role in mother’s journeys.

Since then, I have taken up babysitting and nannying full time for many families. My boys—Grant, Blake and Reed—are closest to my heart though. These children have taught me how to love and fight, teach and discipline, and most importantly, to recognize the importance of family. They may wrestle with pocketknives and bring me to the point of screaming, but I love them as if they were my own children. I am at a point in my life where I could happily conceive a child. I know that sounds absolutely crazy to most people, but I have more parenting experience and financial support than the average soon-to-be twenty-year-old young woman and I have a heart that is willing to give anything to support another human being. I don’t believe teenage pregnancy is such a bad thing. All in all, “if we wait until we are ready, we will be waiting for the rest of our lives”. If you are mature enough to care for a child and have the means to do so, why not?

Without a sperm-supplier in my life, I am left with my already mothered children that I get to be fill-in father for a while theirs is away on active duty. One day, I hope to be able to mother many of my own babies, but for now I am working towards a career that will allow me to create life and bring it into this world.

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